The “righteous” way to express sexuality (for the Christian extremist!) is to enter into marriage and enjoy the freedom that it brings. The alternative to this “certified” monogamous approach is often perceived as a tainted expression. If you’re having sex outside of marriage then you’re slumming it with the “heathens”, and you will inevitably be lamented by judgmental religious naysayers!  Seriously though, this great gift of sex is something worth cherishing and is in my opinion (and the bibles) best enjoyed when served with a wedding ring.

One of my favourite preachers Mark Driscoll puts it this way: “Marriage is the hearth that houses the fire of sex” Sex, of course, is not the only reason we choose to get married! There are many great benefits to married life. Never the less, I believe it is true to say that without the safety and containment that “the hearth of marriage” brings, the “fire of sex” is destructive in a relationship.

For humanity, sexuality is the deepest expression available to us.  It is probably the strongest and greatest gift God has given to mankind. We have through sex, the opportunity to offer our whole being to someone.  We can offer our entirety to the person with whom we have been united in sexual intimacy.  In a healthy relationship, sex can cultivate a deep and enriching bond between a man and a woman. In this intimacy, layers of emotion are peeled away and unspoken sentiments are expressed and exposed in a redeemed sexual exchange.

For me as a chaste and celibate man, refusing to use my sexuality means taking the greatest gift God has given me and offering it back as a gift to God. Instead of giving it to another person, I present myself as a living sacrifice to him. This is a unique offering, this is a truly radical gift… or is it?

I recently heard a monastic monk talking about chastity; he defined it like this:

“Using our sexuality in a moral way in  accordance to what the creator calls us to”.

Though this may not be the standard definition of “chastity”, by this definition all of us are called to live a chaste life. Even within marriage our objective should be to use our sexuality in a moral way that would not dishonour God. Bottom line, adultery is “a no no”, pre-marital sex is “ill advised”, and pornography is “a toxic ingredient!” In my opinion, we are “all” called to a “chaste life”, and though it may sound containing and restrictive, it is actually the most liberating of experiences.

Contrary to popular opinion, the” great commandment” given by Jesus in the New Testament was not “Go forth and multiply” but rather “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” You may be passionate about expressing your sexuality, but I challenge you to develop a passion to nurture a loving relationship with someone else… I think you know who I’m referring to!

Celibacy does not mean I’m no longer a sexual being, it actually means I’m choosing to take my sexuality and offer it as a gift to God. My body belongs to him, and I choose to give it undiluted.

Though celibacy is my gift, I do occasionally day dream about an alternative. I toy momentarily with the idea that this gift, though currently mine, might be on temporary loan!  Whether God will ask me to give it back in exchange for a domestic goddess I don’t know! The truth is I can’t argue with the benefits of my current experience, I am celibate and I am totally fulfilled.

The “statement” made by my celibate choice is this “nothing is more important than God”. Such is my belief in this that I stake my life on it, my whole being, my fulfilment in relationship, it’s all pinned on my an unwavering conviction in Jesus.

Is my blog offensive? is it challenging? What are your thoughts about this subject? Please express yourself in the comments section below and help to “educate me”!

20 thoughts on ““Excuse me madam, I do believe your sex is on fire…”

  1. I find your blog refreshingly honest. I think you share, teach and challenge in an appropriate way…I am not offended! I believe God is and will continue to use you through this. It’s a subject that needs speaking about and I’m glad that you are.

    • Lucy, thank you for your feedback! I’m trying to get my journey across on here, and all the while I’m aware that it’s coming across from a Christian angle (some have privately suggested it’s overly judgmental). I know not everybody who reads it resonates with my beliefs, and i am keen to pitch it right whilst maintaining my convictions. It’s encouraging to get your take, and it’s especially encouraging to hear from you! Please pass on my love to the family!

  2. I did not feel this post was judgmental at all! You are living the experience and I am fascinated that you are! I look forward to reading more about your conviction! I can’t imagine the feelings and temptations and worries and thoughts and prejudices you face daily, so I hope you’ll continue to share this journey!

  3. I like you’re writing, but i do feel it is more than a little unrealistic to expect unmarried people with faith to take on your approach, surely you can love God and love sex too? I know i do! Maybe you should consider using contraception or going to confession?

  4. Offensive? Not at all! One the contrary, I think it encourages singles to embrace the season they are in (if they choose to remain celibate) instead of lament their absent sex life. I will be following this blog more often in the future!

  5. I just sent a text to several friends “celibacy does not mean we r not sexual beings it means we r choosing to take r sexuality n offer it as a gift to God”. Thank u for being a light to this generation! Purity is so valuable in this hour 🙂

  6. Your blog is definitely not offensive. Your beliefs are your beliefs. The best thing is that they are Godly beliefs. Now I am almost certain that those who may get offended are “Christians” who are blatantly fornicating , either physically or in the heart #conviction

    Sex is a gift from God. If you are a Christian and the word “sex” makes you cringe, you have some reevaluating to do.

    Pure sex is the best sex. So God says 🙂 With a mighty God anything as difficult as practicing celibacy is realistic and worthwhile. WoOt!
    Your blog is refreshing, encouraging and real.Right on!

    • Thanks for coming back! sorry i didn’t get a chance to respond till now. It’s true, anything is possible, it is totally realistic to live out a life of abstinence till marriage and even total celibacy… I am currently living in the most exciting season of my life, and I will continue to share “my beliefs” and journey on here!

  7. Hey Dave,
    I found this interesting, not because any of it was really surprising, but because I’m extremely interested in the semantics of the term “sexuality” and have been thinking about writing a blog about “sexuality” and the semantics of other words of a similar context (homosexual, heterosexual etc.).
    Have you ever read the book ‘Sex God’? I find it to be an amazing book. It’s a very easy and relatable read, yet it’s very profound. I also like it because it addresses this issue of what “sexuality” actually is. The book links sexuality to a more holistic perception of a relationship with Jesus; the author quite controversially says that some of the most “sexual” people he knows are single and celibate.
    If you haven’t read it, but would like to, I have a copy I can lend 🙂

    • Hi Essie, Thanks for reading my blog. Yes I have read Rob Bells Sex God, it was a really interesting book. I’d like to read again but I have a kindle copy so you can hang on to yours!

      I would love to read more about your views on semantics of sexuality, obviously its a theme that is particularly close to my own heart… Your last blog was really great…more content would be a treat! Have an excellent week!

  8. Aww thanks so much. I’ve started writing a blog on sexuality, but I’m already feeling like there is too much to say, and too many different things to focus on.
    May have to break it down and focus the first one purely on semantics and pragmatics as I first mentioned.
    But I want to do more later regarding femininity and masculinity, social constructions of gender, gender and language, social discourse of sexuality, dialogue, etc. SO much! (You can tell I have a keen interest in language and the way it influences our everyday life…that linguistics undergrad might come in handy after all!).
    Glad you’ve got Sex God. I love that book so much 🙂

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