Your eggs are shrivelling. Your clock is ticking.Your sperm are mutating! Your prostate is enlarging. Your family photo is fading. Your emotional health is failing. You don’t have a life, and you don’t have a wife! Fulfilment is retreating incrementally with the passing of every day. Welcome to the life of a Christian single, or even worse, “the celibacy club”! So go the lyrics of songs sung by the cynical, those blind to the merit of this lesser travelled way of life.
I have to admit, I’ve hummed certain refrains from these tunes myself; they form a catchy (if a little melancholic) melody. But meditating on these haunting lines would be a huge and detrimental distraction, not to mention a total oversight of another more important underlying truth:
Beneath the natural desires of my physical body there rests a passion deeper and even more pressing than sex. This need is ignored by many, and though it may be temporarily submerged, it can never be met by an alternative. What is it? What could possibly be more desirable for an amiable single man like me than an afternoon “rolling in the hay” with a beautiful woman? It’s quite simple, it’s called “the presence of God”. If you have never experienced it, you will have no frame of reference for it, but this presence, which is birthed out of relationship with Jesus, has become the staple ingredient of my daily diet. It’s a thrilling, empowering and transforming component of life and it has no comparison. It needs to experienced and explored.
Not everyone buys into the bible, but for those of us that count it as our manual for life, we know that in the beginning God created (among other things) man… Before the fairer sex arrived on the scene It was just God and Adam who walked in the garden of Eden in the cool of the day. God desired relationship with man before man’s need for relationship with woman was ever even known. This relationship between man and God was enough to sustain Adam until the arrival of the very elegant Eve. Even when she arrived, it would still be crucial for the depth of that relationship to remain.
I’m not saying you cannot be married and have a meaningful relationship with God. The reality is though that when you find yourself in a single state, and you channel your focused attention purely on God, it’s easier to plumb the depths of that relationship without distraction.
For me, the past three years of celibacy have been “a walk in the park” or perhaps they could be better described as ”a walk in the garden” I have been drawing all of my strength from daily steps with the gardener. My daily connection with Jesus never disappoints, It releases total fulfilment and contentment; satisfied emotional health – trickle charging while you wait!
The songs of the cynical will never bother, worry or interrupt me, I am singing a different song that echoes with a deep resonance, and will not be silenced even by cries of ”mutant sperm” or “retreating fulfilment”. I am listening to one voice, the gardener; I know his voice, and only he could ever introduce me to my Eve. I would never rule out marriage completely, but unless she enters wearing a leaf ensemble I won’t be interested!
my celibate life 
I could not agree more : “a daily connection with Jesus never disappoints, it releases total fulfillment and contentment”. Well written!
Vic thanks for taking the time to give your input. It’s in that place of intimacy that we unlock fulfillment and contentment… I hope to point people in that direction more as I continue to blog. Thanks again for reading!
LOVE the picture of you walking in the garden with Yeshua. I have a similar revelation as far as Eve’s intimacy with the Father before He presented her to Adam. Just as Adam had his alone time with God, Eve had hers (although the word doesn’t expound on it). But just imagine that the first person Eve saw once she was formed was Elohim. Her first response HAD to be WORSHIP! She was face to face with the Great IAM. She was fulfilled. Out of this fulfillment, she was then introduced to her mate….just throwing out there the other side of things. If God has a wife for you, I assure you, she is having an “Eve experience” just as you are having an “Adam experience” 🙂
I like the vivid picture that you paint! I can definitely see Eve’s first encounter with God playing out like that too! Its good to have a ‘birds eye view’ (bird = woman in the UK!) to juxtapose Adams. Your comments are always super encouraging for me to read!
Had to look up juxtapose not gonna lie…lol, thanks!
Leaf ensemble? Confused by that bit, but otherwise *like*. A great counter to the distorted culture of our time
Hi Mike,
‘A Leaf ensemble’ is what I imagine Eve would have worn in the garden of Eden to preserve her dignity! …obviously my ‘Eve’ would need similar apparel in order for me to recognise her arrival… Not that I plan on getting married of course… Glad your reading, and *liking* please come back for more!
Hello,
I stumbled across your blog and find it interesting, challenging and thought provoking.
With the above post you state that you have found the last 3years of celibacy a walk in the park. Does that mean the years before that you were a Christian man and sleeping around? Sorry if that is forward but the term celibacy is used too loosely in this day and age. Define celibacy I guess?
It seems you feel called for this life of celibacy and that’s so great – Not for everyone but if you feel called to that type of life, that is so good. But as Christians, we may cross boundaries in relationships, not the end of the world yet not the most righteous of moves in Gods eyes, but “sexual intercourse” would be the thing that defines celibacy, right? So in essence although boundaries are played around with, wouldn’t the majority of Christians be living a life of celibacy until marriage?
Again too many terms, too loosely used.
Hi Olivia,
Thanks for taking the time to comment, and welcome to the discussion! I will try to answer all of your questions, but for more detailed answers you will have to keep looking for further blog updates and importantly, read my book when it is released!
Here are your questions (In italics)
“Does that mean the years before that you were a Christian man and sleeping around?”
I was certainly not sleeping around, but I was definitely sexually active. This meant privately viewing porn and practicing masturbation, as well as pushing sexual boundaries with girlfriends (though not having penetrative sex).
Define celibacy?
I personally define celibacy as “Abstaining from all sexual behaviour and offering ones sexuality totally to God”. I don’t plan to get married, but if i were ever to meet someone and get engaged, this definition of celibacy would include all sexual intimacy in any sense until my wedding day. I even plan to abstain from kissing anybody (including any future fiance i may have) until my wedding day. It also includes porn/masturbating etc..
Is “sexual intercourse” the thing that defines celibacy?
In my definition – most definitely NOT! This mindset suggests that anything other than penetrative sex is up for grabs before marriage… This is something I deal with extensively in my book…
As Christians we should expect God to empower us to deal with single life and maintain self-control… In our own strength this would i grant you be not just difficult but impossible, but I have found it to be totally realistic as i continue to nurture my relationship with God. “Holiness” is Gods standard, and we can meet this standard with his help.
I hope this helps to answer your question.
Thanks for you words of wisdom Dave. Thanks for your encouragement. It makes me look at the fact that there is something even more important to life that marrying, settling down and having children; namely enjoying the presence of God and using the Holy Spirit to understand who Jesus really is and what He means to my life.
I thank God for this fresh revelation.
God bless you Bro.
Bjorn
Bjorn,
I am glad you found it encouraging. God bless and keep reading!
Thanks for your detailed response, I really appreciate it.
Though it is realistic to abstain from any sexual encounters whether it be penetrative or “pushing boundaries” you definitely have to be called to a life of celibacy! An extreme case like yours – sorry I am just being honest with what I’ve read on your blog so far.
It seems you have had a spiritual encounter that isn’t normal to everyone else and that’s great. And it’s great you share your views and your journey. Although again your seemingly extreme journey isn’t for everyone, not even the Holiest of believers. God desires to give us our deep desires and I think more often than not, everyone desires to be married. Not for sex, even though most would argue, but the deeper issue is connection. Even God gave Adam a companion because “it’s not good for man to be alone” and I believe even right at the beginning, God foresaw the struggle of man in the area of sexual desires but also just daily companionship. He created us as living beings to connect and be intimate first and foremost with God, 100% truth right there.
But he also ordained marriage, with the gift of sex to be enjoyed and valued by the two partakers involved.
Unfortunately “sex” has become to readily available and with ease ie: Internet porn etc. but I also believe God is shaking up the church with this issue, He is challenging the daily morality of His people!
All in all I like reading your blog simply to see one mans journey with celibacy. Although extreme at times, I do commend you on being upfront about YOUR experience. Experiencing complete wholeness with God doesn’t have to be about being celibant. I feel because possibly you had such deep issues perhaps with sexuality, perhaps celibacy is what God gifted you with?
My thoughts on the matter.
Joy.
Olivia,
Thanks for your insight and comments!
My distilled view would be this:
I believe that during singleness we should ask and expect God to empower “normal” Christians like us to maintain a chaste life until marriage. This is a gift from God to deal with single life, and a helpful gift at that!
I truly believe that this is not extreme as far as God is concerned, but a “normal” place where we can all live before marriage! This decision to remain chaste will always result in the best outcome for our relationship with God and our future spouse!
Some are called to live without marriage/sex for the duration of their lives… Even though I’m blogging about celibacy, I am not totally sure yet that this is me!
Thanks again for your great input…
Keep going Dave. We need more!
cry5tal84
I have been a little busy, but will definitely post more soon! Keep your eyes peeled!
Dave, God bless you really for openly discussing issues that have long plagued the church’s young and single and yet is so seldom discussed! This certainly takes boldness, maturity and God- given honesty that is just so needed in this day and age! One of the things I teach my young people is the importance of understanding the value of who they are in Christ and how no one person can ever validate your existence robe your sole reason for living. I am blessed to be married and to have married a wonderful God fearing man who loves God enough to love me well. But before meeting him, I remember being fully fulfilled in how much God had for me with or without a husband because life with God is exciting! When my husband met me, I was busy serving God, and I think the common misconception for many singles is that you are somehow supposed to be waiting at this stop with your arms crossed waiting for your mr perfect’s bus to one day arrive and take you away from the misery of your life! What a depressing thought! God has so much more for us, single, married or otherwise and I think he would be saddened for us to reduce our lives to such mediocre things! My husband and I often say to our young people that we teach that while marriage is great, it is not eternal, and that always puts things in perspective for us. And even though I am married to wonderful man, God still has a plan and purpose for me as his wife and beyond. And it is this pursuit of an eternal God that enables us to live beyond the perishable.
Beatrice,
Great to hear from you! Thanks for your feedback and especially for sharing your experience. I’m sure the wisdom you have gleaned from righteously living out single and married life will be of great benefit to the young people you minister to.
“while marriage is great, it is not eternal… it is this pursuit of an eternal God that enables us to live beyond the perishable.” brilliantly put Beatrice!
Have you ever thought on the purpose to offer your sexuality wholly to God? Is it not with reason we are called the bride of the Lord? And is it not true that our most intimate relationship is not going to be with our wife or with our husband, but with the Lord?
Eph. 5:31-32… For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Now not everyone can bear this, but our sexuality is not in vain: I’m very glad you are a celibate:
1 Cor. 7:1… Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
I encourage you to place it in God’s hands and to keep with your consecrated life to the end. God Bless
Thanks for the Bible verses Jonathan! It gives us all some more things to think about!
Thanks for the encouragement too… I will keep going!
Great article! We ѡіll be linkingg to this great article on our website.
Keeр up the good writing.