Happy Valentine’s day!  Any interesting plans? From experience, I know that one of the sadder ways to enjoy valentines as a single is to use it to sign up to a website…  No, I’m not talking about ordering an escort for the evening!  I’m referring to romantic “introductory” websites, like the ones many of you are currently signed up to and have bookmarked on your browsers! Yes, the stable of eharmony, match.com, and Christianmingle. The used car showroom of romantic possibility.  Many of you will have explored this avenue and know exactly what I’m talking about.

I coined a new phrase today, inspired by valentines I call it “Premature  e-lack-ulation”:

The premature pursuit of “e” romance and relationship born out of a sense of incompletion and a lack of contentment with ones current single situation.

I remember it well, sitting in front of my computer joining my site of choice, filling in the all-important specific requirements; those characteristics that would be most appealing in my search for a Proverbs 31 woman. I was unhappy with the romantic landscape of my life. Under no circumstances would I want the wrong body shape, height or eye colour to filter into my bespoke future partner criterion and tarnish the possibility of my meeting the perfect lady.

We take great care to complete our profile perfectly, even photo-shopping that unforgiving mound of puss from our snapshot lest it put of the woman or man of our dreams.  We pour our hopes into a computerised algorithm believing that this is what will successfully pair us with our future “soul mate”.  We have faith that we will be connected with a person who will bring a sense of fulfilment and completion into our current disjointed reality.  I’ve certainly been there! I have dipped more than a toe into the online romance pool. And I know the benefits and pitfalls of it. I am not denying that for many people it works.


But what does the bible say about “eharmonising” and “Christianminglisation” and indeed the entire relationship search culture? I’m glad you asked!

The bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:27

“Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife”

Am I currently free from a wife? The answer to that question is Yes! I am not tied into a relationship I have no romantic connection whatsoever with any lady!

The bibles advice for someone single like me is “Do not seek a wife!” This advice is revelatory and starkly counters the culture of our time. In my opinion, this is the right way to approach singleness and valentines day for a Christian.

Singleness on valentines day should not cue the ultimate online or inter-church campaign for a potential spouse. The solution to that lonely feeling you so frequently experience, that e-lack-ulation, was never meant to be found and resolved through the filling of a romantic relationship vacancy, it was always meant to be found first and foremost in the presence of God. For what it’s worth here is my advice, let go of the search for a relationship altogether, and find the contentment you need in Jesus.

Psalms 37:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

I firmly believe that the way to become ready for a partner, is for us to loosen our grip on control when it comes to our romantic future, when we have done this. I mean when we have really let go! God wheels out exactly what we need!

It is not that love romance and marriage is a bad idea, far from it! But to disproportionately and unsuccessfully invest years into the search for a partner shows little confidence in Gods ability to present you with his choice. The unsuccessful attempts that I have made historically evidence the reality that his choice, is better than mine.

Here is my closing statement. And I believe in it!

Until we are confronted clearly with Gods choice, we should be focusing on something other than the search for our own personal Miss World.

Please Discuss!

10 thoughts on “Valentines and premature e-lack…

  1. Just read this aloud to my friend. She and I are singles sat in on valentines day… Again. We sometimes slip into pondering on one day going to DFS choosing a sofa with our amazing Mr perfect but this article completely snaps you out of that day dream and reminds you that the joy of having a personal relationship with God over powers all desires!

    Thanks for this!

  2. You and our titles! LOL, will they all be SO, uh…er…RACEY?! 🙂 Well, I myself have tried out the online dating scene and was even bold enough to blog about it. Not gonna lie, I wish that was not a part of my testimony (sigh). Only because I knew it wasn’t for me. But like yourself, I do believe God can use it to bring people together. God can use anything! He is limitless! And of course I agree that both men and women should find contentment in Christ first before a relationship. However, can you provide your readers with tips on how to do this? Have you found contentment with Christ? What does that look like for you? For me it’s an ebb and flow…sometimes I’m there and other times I’m not. Just keepin’ it real!

    • Nicole, if you think these blog titles are over “racey” wait till you read the book, i used all the most controversial ones for chapter titles! In terms of “contentment tips”, I may give a few pointers in future blogs, but i dont want to give away too much cause a lot of it will be covered in detail in the book…. Is it an ebb and flow for me? The simple answer is no not really. I do have some helpful stuff to share but you will have to wait a bit longer to hear that. 🙂

  3. I’m in agreement , we can become obsessed with finding the ‘right’ person,every person could be the right one if we loved as Christ loved -without condition.We do live in this world though and do as the world does with all sorts of must haves.Isn’t it interesting to note in Genesis that everything God created was good,until Chapter 2:18 when He created Adam,and it was not good…? Adam enjoyed the full and glorious presence of God,yet he still needed a mate!


    • “every person could be the right one if we loved as Christ loved -without condition”
      Like that Leonie!

      Like the Adam and Eve idea too. For most people they do need a mate, but a lack of patience and an inability to relinquish control means they want a mate on their terms… bad idea!

  4. ‘Until we are confronted clearly with Gods choice, we should be focusing on something other than the search for our own personal Miss World.’ Loving it but is it possible for everyone to do that?

    I take a stand of someone who wanted to sign up for a website before, thank God I didn’t (not implying that people who are signed up are doing anything wrong) no! just that it wasn’t for me.

    The whole idea was to get a partner and feel complete. How clever! That was then but now a different Scriptural view resonates better with me. ‘Seek ye first …….Matt 6:33’ and this is what God has called all of us to do. He knows what we need, who would suit us best and His timing is of course faultless.

    However it is undeniable that sometimes we’ve ended up taking avertable journeys into our own ‘intelligent pursuit’ and got the ‘right wrong person.’ How sad as God desires to lead us in all things.

    On the whole am in agreement that true gratification and wholeness can only be experienced from having a deep and intimate relationship with God. We live, breathe and have our being in Him!

    Thanks Dave for sharing your wisdom here:) God bless!

    • Hi Caroline,
      Is it possible? Totally possible! – Is it likely? That’s a different story!
      You make a lot of good points Caroline. Thanks for your sharing your wisdom too! I agree with most of the things you say!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s